Please be advised that the above pictures were taken when the featured specimen could still be found residing only in the wild. Since these pictures were taken, however, the above specimen has been completely domesticated, and it now lives within a family unit and has learned to play well with others.

Within this family structure, the specimen has been observed nestling, cuddling and grooming its offspring, Soren (date of birth 5-17-98), and Reiner (date of birth 7-11-00). And if food is withheld from the specimen for a period of more than two days, it has been noticed that the specimen will become increasingly irritable, and this irritability sometimes results in aggressive and threatening behavior. In addition, if other basic, physical needs are denied the specimen for a prolonged period of time, many of the specimen's almost human-like moods will grow to be dark and opaque. Its behavior may even become unpredictable and desperate, and often the specimen will target its mate, Kristina, making wild and unreasonable demands for Kristina to comply with its basest wishes.

The road to domestication and the ultimate taming of the specimen has been a long one. Early fossil records indicate that tiny footprints of the specimen as infant can be found near the vicinity of Chicago, Illinois, in the year of 1964. There is not much more to be gleaned from this period, but some researchers have speculated that the specimen was a decent little league right fielder and an above average speller.

The following record is clear, however, mostly from radiocarbon dating of the specimen's fingernail parings. The specimen has been placed at Ohio State University in Columbus sometime during the Era of Good Feeling in America in the 80s. Careful field studies that tracked the specimen's spoor trails across the country indicate that the specimen may have spent time in New York City's Soho District as a nomadic gatherer of wisdom. From there, it sought refuge in Ann Arbor, Michigan, then Minneapolis, Minnesota, back to Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti, Michigan, (where there are some hints that another degree was obtained and subsequently used as an exfoliating tool); then DNA analysis of sloughed-off epithelial cells suggest it moved on to Denver, Colorado, and finally, it resided in Sacramento, California.

Experts differ on whether the specimen also spent some time in Vitoria, Brazil. The radiocarbon dating data suggest that it may have been present there sometime between its residence in Denver and Sacramento. However, there is virtually no other physical evidence to corroborate this theory. Still, the dissenting experts who hold to the theory point to the specimen's cheery offering of tudo bem and a muttering of puta que pariu during a moment of exasperation as evidence that it is indeed likely, if not probable, that the specimen spent some time there as well.

Although the specimen is rarely seen away from its preferred natural environment of the home, it can be found foraging through many of the local thrift stores, looking for bits of discarded and unwanted ephemera that will make its domicile seem more inhabitable. For this reason, sometimes the specimen is confused with the common packrat or other species such as accumulator americanis. But whatever your association with the specimen, it will unfailingly display its gratitude if only you hold still while it catalogs your presence with its vocabulary of smells.

Shot of Tim in action

Tim as the Great Conciliator

Religious Beliefs